Los Angeles, California (AP)– Adult film legend, reality show regular, and pop cultural curiosity Ron Jeremy – age 55 with a 10 inch penis- is reportedly the star of the most recent celebrity sex tape to be leaked on the Internet. His lawyers immediately served cease and desist orders to various sites, including TMZ.com, to prevent the further distribution of the alleged video.
Ron Jeremy- star 1900 adult films, including Ally Mc Feel, Amateur Orgies 20, and Jingle Balls- released the following statement, through his publicist Alan Moore, early this morning;
“Ron states unequivocally, that he is not the man in the video. He is stopping the distribution of said video, to prevent the sullying of his good name, and will sue anyone caught trading the video for liable and copy rite violations.”
Second hand reports, from those that saw the video at WhatWouldTylerDurdenDo.com before it was removed, describe the video of Ron Jeremy- also known as the The Hedgehog- as quietly engaging in lovemaking, to one Miss Ellie Court, in standard missionary position before collapsing at her side, followed by 20 minutes of cuddling and pillow talk.
In response to these rumours Ron Jeremy- a man renowned for the ability to perform auto fellatio- went on Entertainment Tonight and said,
“Under no circumstances would I ever engage in vanilla missionary sex that ends in anything less than me blowing my wad on her face… or at the very least cumming on her tits. These are lies propagated by my enemies within the Adult Film Industry who are jealous of my success in the mainstream media, with shows like The Surreal Life 2 -available in limited edition signed DVD box sets at ronjeremy.com”
Miss Ellie Court is rumoured to be working with the blind at a Christian Missionary in Uganda and could not be reached for comment.
It’s amazing how cute Ron Jeremy was back in the 70s. And svelte!!
Mylesfromnowhere- Svelte? I am not sure what that word means but it sounds like a word that could describe a big bushy rug so I will agree with you there